(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. Learn to take a joke; you’ll live longer)
Saying that there was definitely room for arguing that Pakistan actually won the war of 1971, a white woman found on freelancing platform ‘upwork.com’ has claimed she can pull off the job despite most people saying it was next to impossible.
The response came in after an ad was posted on the website looking for white people willing to work for an employer that was trying to reshape its image and rebrand.
“Candidate must be white, preferably female in late 20s or early 30s. Fast learner that can figure out follow scripts and figure out how to tell people that Pakistan actually won the 1971 war” read the advert.
“Proficiency in twitter, facebook and other social media is also necessary. Tolerance for creepy dm messages is also appreciated” it added.
“This is definitely an Herculean task, but I really think I can pull it off no problems” said the white person applying for the job.
“I mean, who is going to believe that even? It’s silly, isn’t it? Well that’s where you’re wrong. Because I am white, and leagues of Pakistanis will be validated if the narrative they want to believe is being told to them by a white person.”
“I would use the blame India technique mostly. But I think cutting it by saying that it was a political mistake and that Pakistan actually didn’t destroy India on humanitarian ground is also a good idea” she went on to say.
“We know, we know, this is radical. Up until now, we’ve been saying it was a conspiracy and never full out went and said that we won, but I think this candidate really has it in her” said the people that sent out the ad speaking to The Dependent.
“I think this is going to be a great idea, and if it works out, we can start working on pretending we trumped India in Kargil too.”
“And then maybe, and no promises with this one, but if she’s really good at it, we might just let her take a whack at claiming Imran Khan is the choice of the people and operates as Prime Minister independently” they went on to add, even though they clearly seemed sceptical about that last one.