(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. Learn to take a joke; you’ll live longer.)
ISLAMABAD – Exhibiting trademark innocence and absolute clueless as to what was being said and done, despite claiming to know fully well why it was happening, former Prime Minister Nawaz Sharif told the Supreme Court on Tuesday that it was unfair of the judges to expect him to remember all the time he has abused authority.
The Pakistan Muslim League-Nawaz supremo said this during a hearing as he faces charges against him of the 1986 illegal allotment of Waqf property attached to a Pakpattan shrine as the then Chief Minister of Punjab.
“Waqf property? I don’t even remember when exactly I was the Chief Minister,” Nawaz said during the hearing. “I have only ever known myself as the Prime Minister, or the Prime Minister in waiting, or the favourite to be Prime Minister, or the ousted Prime Minister, or the Prime Minister of hearts,” he added.
When asked by the three-judge bench headed by Chief Justice of Pakistan Mian Saqib Nisar to explain his position on charges that he abused authority, Nawaz said the court was being ‘unfair’.
“You expect me to remember all the times I’ve abused my authority?” an innocent Nawaz asked. “The case is from 32 years ago. Back then I was wholeheartedly supported by those, who I have since clashed with, and who constantly push you to open these ridiculous cases against me – that’s how old this case is!”