(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. Learn to take a joke; you’ll live longer.)
The incredibly Corrupt Patwari League is unnecessarily accusing the National Accountability Bureau of impartiality, said NAB’s Lahore DG Saleem Shehzad on Tuesday.
“It is so typical of this corrupt mafia to start accusing all rightminded organisations of prejudice and bias the minute their ill-gotten gains are threatened,” he said. “They should know that NAB is completely objective and holds no malice, ill-will or pre-conceived notions against any individual or party.”
“Maybe if their party leader were to stop eating nihari and paae and start actually reading the newspapers and our official communication, then ganju would get into his thick skull that we hold all accused with respect,” he said.
“The bigger problem, of course, is with the much-wed, completely over-rated former chief minister Shehbaz Sharif, who managed to embezzle billions from the funds meant for the poor citizens of this poor country,” he said.
“ Also the shameless media team of the lady, jiss ki baahar mein toh kya, Pakistan mein bhi property nahi,” he said, while laughing.
The press conference ended when Saleem got a personal telephone call, with his ring-tone Jab Aae Ga Imran blaring off his cell-phone.