Supreme Court halves its pending cases as ‘global conspiracy’ given 20,168 prison sentences | Pakistan Today

Supreme Court halves its pending cases as ‘global conspiracy’ given 20,168 prison sentences

(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. Learn to take a joke; you’ll live longer.)ISLAMABAD – The Supreme Court on Thursday

found global conspiracy guilty in over 20,000 pending cases, following which global conspiracy was given a prison sentence for each of these cases.

According to reports, following the collective verdict handed out in 20,168 pending cases, the apex court has managed to reduce the number of pending cases by around 50%.

Details of the verdicts reveal that global conspiracy was sentenced to lifetime imprisonment in 19 suo motu notices, 127 human rights cases, 1,086 jail petitions, 114 constitution petitions, 535 criminal appeals and 4,623 civil appeals.

Chief Justice of Pakistan Mian Saqib Nisar actively proceeded with matters related to maladministration as well as public interests on Wednesday, delivering much awaited verdicts in the abovementioned 20,168 cases.

In helping deal with just a massive volume of cases, the CJP had also created a special account in the SC to collect donations for the construction of reservoirs for the storage of these cases while they remained pending in the apex court.

“After deliberating hard on the cases we resolved today, we found global conspiracy guilty in 20,168 instances, for each of which it has been sentenced to rigorous punishment in prison,” the collective SC verdict read.

“We believe the remaining cases might find the same culprit again, for which we’ll possibly implement an ever harsher punishment,” the verdict added

The Dependent

The above piece is a work of satire and does not present itself as the truth.