(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. Learn to take a joke; you’ll live longer.)
Sep 11 anniversary feature
Lahore – Our Conspiracy Correspondent: On first glance, Fayaz Chaudhry, a local Lahore businessman, does not look any different from any other of the shopkeepers on Ferozepur Road, Lahore.
But the 43-year-old father of four has a special talent that might get him into the Guinness Book of World Records this year.
“Yes, they called and are finalising the documentation; I might make it to next year’s edition.”
His talent: Chaudhry’s immense mental flexibility and years of rigorous training have enabled him to simultaneously believe that the attacks of September 11, 2001, both did not take place and did take place and were planned by the world’s Jewish overlords.
It might be difficult to believe, so he has a special demonstration to The Dependent team. “See, is there any evidence other than the photographic sort that prove that the World Trade Centre and the Pentagon were attacked? The authorities had immediately closed down the area. And we all know how easy it is to do Photoshop and make things up,” he said.
Then, without skipping a beat, he said. “The terrorists were all paid agents of the Jewish lobby that is running the world. All these Mossad agents then parachuted off the planes right before hitting their targets,” he said.
After this impressive performance, he was visibly tired and collapsed on to the chair at his office.
Talent runs high in the family. Chaudhry’s daughter Hira, a student at LUMS, believes Malala Yousafzai was not shot in Swat and that she was shot in Swat by RAW agents.