Launching probe into Punjab’s Metro buses to figure out how the hell they completed such projects: Imran Khan | Pakistan Today

Launching probe into Punjab’s Metro buses to figure out how the hell they completed such projects: Imran Khan

(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. Learn to take a joke; you’ll live longer.)

Expressing shock at the performance of the previous government, Prime Minister Imran Khan has said that his government is going to undertake a full enquiry into Punjab’s many public transportation projects to figure out just how such projects are completed.

“I cannot begin to explain what these people have done to the Punjab” said the new Prime Minister in a televised address to the nation.

“These jangla bus projects, they have completed them and in pretty good time and in not that much money. As you see there is clearly something seriously corrupt and malicious behind all of this.”

“Honestly I don’t even like infrastructure. I’m all about pretending to make universities and reforming the police.”

“It’s not like I’m impressed or anything but wow those are some efficient public projects” he went on to add.

“I mean I tried everything in Peshawar, including trying to recruit free demonic labour, but it just won’t wrap up.”

“But fear not because we are going to try everything” he said assuring the nation.

“We will give Usman Buzdar a hair-transplant because the correlation between hair and ability to make public transport work seems to be a pretty obvious observation from our initial probe.”

“There are a number of other measures too but wow are those some cool buses” he said in a moment where he seemed to lose himself, as he wistfully stroked a picture of the incomplete Peshawar BRT project while mumbling “you could have been so much more” and “you do this to spite me, don’t you?” while stroking a different picture of former KP Chief Minister Pervez Khattak.

“Whatever” he went on to say, finding himself with a jolt.

“Those buses might be cool, but they aren’t nearly as cool as the 92 World Cup final” he said finally before signing off.

The Dependent

The above piece is a work of satire and does not present itself as the truth.



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