Categories: SportsThe Dependent

Unambitious board didn’t give me money to replace all mediocre players I’d bought: Mourinho

(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. Learn to take a joke; you’ll live longer.)

MANCHESTER – Days after his side’s surprise 3-2 defeat at Brighton & Hove Albion, Manchester United manager Jose Mourinho has launched an attack on the club’s board for being ‘unambitious’ and not supporting him enough.

Talking exclusively to The Dependent ahead of United’s clash against Tottenham Hotspurs, Mourinho expresses dissatisfaction with the lack of business done during the transfer window.

“The board has clearly showcased its lack of ambition, by not giving me money that was needed to replace all the mediocre players that I had bought during the first two years at the club,” he said.

“How will I replace the below average players that I bought for excessive money, if I am not given excessive money to buy more below average players?” he asked.

Even so, Mourinho said that the below average players that he had bought are not etched in the club’s history.

“This is what we call heritage. These players will be a part of the heritage that I will leave behind very soon.”

Mourinho went further and underlined the ongoing conspiracy against him to deny him trophies.

“I was a bit uncertain initially, but I am sure now that [Manchester United Chief Executive] Ed Woodward is also a part of the global conspiracy that is designed to deny me more trophies,” he said.

The Dependent

The above piece is a work of satire and does not present itself as the truth.

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