(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. Learn to take a joke; you’ll live longer.)
ISLAMABAD – With presidential elections scheduled for the first week of September, the Pakistan Peoples Party (PPP) is beefing up efforts to gain support from the opposition for its candidate only to be faced with resistance from the Pakistan Muslim League-Nawaz (PML-N) whose top leadership has been reported to officially respond with a barrage of “achaww jee?” and “karma is a b***h, baby!”
According to sources privy to details of talks between the two parties, the decision makers in the PML-N, when contacted by PPP counterparts, replied with an “Achaaawwww jee, humari support chahiye? Lekin Shehbaz Sharif sahib ka tou waqt khatam hogaya tha na?”
“The sarcasm wasn’t really the test for PPP leaders,” said the source adding. “After so much beyghairti by the PPP during the PM vote, even they were expecting nothing less.”
“But did they really have to do a sing-along mimickery of Bilawal?” said a PPP leader. “Whatever happened to the old fashioned politics of stabbing in the back and double crossing parties you are apparently in alliance with?”
But the real test lay ahead. President of PML-N Shehbaz Sharif has stated that following the PM vote, his party has truly been inspired by the dynamic scion of the Bhutto family, Bilawal Bhutto Zardari.
Insiders said the party is mulling over abstaining from the presidential vote while sitting in the House during the voting process, like ‘absolute mutmaeen beyghairat’. “It’ll be easier to piss them off this way instead of sub-tweeting while sitting in our chambers,” said a senior PMLN leader.
But that’s not all.
“Oh also, we are already working on making sure Shehbaz Sharif delivers a kickass speech towards the end, after the PPP candidate has lost, which will focus on principles of democracy…you know, after we have abstained from voting — our ‘democratic right’.”
The comment was followed by excessive winking.
“We have been given two objectives. One, to make the speech a top trend on Twitter because that is where democracy truly lies.”
“Second, we hope our speech will turn into one of those Facebook memes because that is how low we are aiming.”