(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. Learn to take a joke; you’ll live longer.)
RAWALPINDI – After a month of agonising wait, Adiala Jail’s most keenly observed inmate Muhammad Nawaz Sharif finally managed to receive what he had ordered his new best friend to get, sources within the prison have informed The Dependent.
Ali Laal Rafiq, a renowned smuggler, known for his ability to get stuff in and out of Adiala Jail, managed to transfer a small rock hammer and large poster of Rita Hayworth to Nawaz Sharif.
“This was an Independence Gift for his new bestie,” a prison inmate informed this scribe. “But of course he charged money for it as well, because he doesn’t mix the professional and personal.”
In-house analysts inside Adiala Jail observe that Nawaz managed to receive the gifts on August 14 without anyone catching him, because the management believed he would be celebrating Independence Day on the 15th.
“Being Modi ka yaar, India ka pyaar, mulk ka ghadaar and you know, laanat beshumaar, Nawaz was supposed to be sad and upset all day on August 14, and then rejoice the next day when his own country celebrates the Independence Day,” one keen observer on jail politics told The Dependent.
While it is unclear why the dangerous prisoner Nawaz Sharif asked for these gifts to be procured, a wide range of analysts believe that his interest in Riya Hayworth symbolises his affiliation with the Ittefaq Group, which too like the actress rose to fame in the 1940s.
“The hammer is believed to be a Ittefaq Industries product as well,” a close prison aide to Nawaz Sharif told The Dependent.