(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. Learn to take a joke; you’ll live longer.)
ISLAMABAD – All set to sit at the driving seat of the Pakistani economy under severe duress, Finance Minister in waiting Asad Umar will perform the most pertinent act of the Kiki challenge on war-footing, The Dependent has learnt.
His statement comes after the International Monetary Fund (IMF) set the Kiki challenge as one of the conditions for Pakistan’s 13th bailout package.
With a current account deficit of $18 billion, budget deficit crossing Rs2 trillion and the government owing another trillion rupees in circular debt, the IMF has informed Pakistan that doing the Kiki challenge will give everyone perspective.
“It is only when you leave the seat and move out of the car that you can take a proper look at the vehicle and what it looks like from the outside,” an IMF official told The Dependent.
Talking exclusively to The Dependent, Asad Umar said that unlike his predecessors he would prioritise all his tasks.
“The Pakistani rupee has over 20 percent since December, owing to a balance of payment crisis. The stock market hit this year’s lowest in last month. What Pakistan’s economy needs right now is an honest and dedicated performance of the Kiki challenge,” he said.
“Of course, doing so while dancing to Drake’s In My Feelings gives you the positive energy when none can be found from the disaster bound four-wheeler that is slipping downhill,” the official said.
The Finance Minister in waiting added that the lyrics of In My Feelings will convey the right message for the Pakistani economy as well.
“Kiki, do you love me? Are you riding? Say you’ll never ever leave from beside me,” he sang while doing a demo exclusively for this scribe.
“But these are my favourite lines from the song: Look, the new me is really still the real me. I swear you gotta feel me before they try and kill me,” he added.
“And of course, needless to say that the acronym for In My Feelings is IMF.”