(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. Learn to take a joke; you’ll live longer.)
LAHORE – Pakistan Cricket Board (PCB) has honoured opening batsman Ahmad Shahzad for merely showing up at the annual award ceremony and “looking dope as usual”.
The board staged a glittering ceremony in collaboration at a local hotel where the awards were presented to the players and officials in the presence of the sports personalities, former and present cricketers, media persons and senior PCB officials.
Soon after Fakhar Zaman was presented a special award for his outstanding batting performance, the host announced the most special title of the day. “And… the looking ‘dope’ award goes to… none other than… Ahmad Shahzad,” said the host after which claps and cheers echoed across the hall.
In his acceptance speech, Shahzad got very emotional and a touch dramatic. He said, “Itni shidaat se main tumhe paane ki koshish ki hai [I have tried so hard to win you], ke kainaat ke har zarre ne mujhe tumse milane ki saazish ki hai [that every particle in this universe has tried to conspire with me to have you].”
After mentioning several other dialogues from his favourite Bollywood movies, he added, “The thing is, I prefer being ‘doped up’ for every occasion.”
The 26-year-old cricketer credited his mentors Mohammad Asif and Imran Nazir who have always stood by him “with a stash of encouragement”.
Overwhelmed Shahzad said he “was stoned” at the honour and wanted to thank the PCB for the love.