(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. Learn to take a joke; you’ll live longer.)
Expected finance minister Asad Umer vowed on Tuesday not to let the rupee slide any further and, in fact, to bring it back to the rate of 50-to-a-dollar that it had in the late 90s.
He also said that he would bring back the politics of the decade as well, speaking at a press conference at Bani Gala.
“We had 37,38-to-a-dollar for a very long period of time, but then, the PKR gave way to one hell of a slide, stopping at 50, then 60 for a long period of time, hovering over the 80s, then a 100, and now the upward-flexible 130 of today,” he said. “That has to stop.”
“Also, we had an elegant system, where opposition parties, usually the ones centre-right, used to cosy up to the establishment to bring them into power and it was so graceful that it was almost expected,” he said. “We vow to bring back those simpler, predictable times.”
“Our business community and, indeed, our political class needs to get out of the uncertainty of the unregulated market and go back to the strong regulations that we had in the past.”