Out-of-control Tareen buys out whole Little Stars Elementary School student council | Pakistan Today

Out-of-control Tareen buys out whole Little Stars Elementary School student council

(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. Learn to take a joke; you’ll live longer.)

In a situation of heightened tension, a frenzied and seemingly berserk Jehangir Tareen, in an effort to shore up more support, has bought out the entire student council of Little Stars Elementary School, Sabzazar, Lahore.

“It was crazy,” said Fatima Hassan, a teacher at the school. “I met him at an event for local PTI supporters, where somehow the mention of our student council came up. Tareen Saheb had been distant and distracted earlier, but he instantly became attentive and started asking me in great detail whether the elections to the council were declared final. When I said yes, he quickly disappeared and what happened the next day you all know.”

Tareen quickly made a dash to the school branch the next day and immediately entered into negotiations with the student council at the canteen.

“It was a pretty neat affair,” said Umar Mustafa, Class Representative for Class 3-C. “The Shezan and Coke flowed freely and Tareen Uncle asked Billu Bhai at the canteen to keep the samosas and chips coming.”

“He had a distant, blank look in his eyes and kept asking us to support Imran Khan in the vote. We all said yes, even Shahid Butt, whose father is in the PML(N), because we could all see Uncle was clearly not in a good place, spiritually,” said Seher Tariq, newly-elected Head Girl.

The attempts to woo the elementary schoolers didn’t go as smooth initially, however, as Tareen had been flatly turned down by both the City District Government, Lahore and the Civil Aviation Authority for his request to land on the school’s playground in a helicopter of Princely Jets.

The Dependent

The above piece is a work of satire and does not present itself as the truth.