(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. Learn to take a joke; you’ll live longer.)
Our Ramzan Correspondent
With the Ramzan officially at its end, the annual national search for excuses for low productivity has formally commenced in the country.
“As you all know, we have been worried about this problem since the last quarter of Ramzan when only ten days were left of this valuable resource of a plausible excuse for our low productivity,” said Khawaja Mehmood, convenor of the national search.
Typically used by, but not limited to, individuals who don’t fast in the first place, the excuse of Ramzan was used to justify delays in completion dates, violations of subsequent deadlines and shoddy work in general. With the resource finally depleted, the governmental-sanctioned search committee has been tasked to provide every male and female citizen in the labour force with an excuse for the aforementioned by a maximum of 45 days.
“The task ahead of us is huge, and we might not be able to fulfill our target by this timeframe, so the workforce of the country has to find some other justification in the meantime,” he continued. “I know it would be difficult to function without an excuse for low productivity, but we have to try.”
“For now we have the Eid break ahead so we’re good until then, but then we really have to dig our heels in and find those excuses.”
“Or we could try the other option, which is actually working as much and as hard as we’re supposed to,” joked Khawaja Asif in the end, as the hall exploded with the reporters’ laughter as the press conference ended on this light note.