(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. Learn to take a joke; you’ll live longer.)
LONDON – A macroscopic, resilient organisms has been discovered on the banks of River Thames which might just outlive anyone on a given day —and their known world just got a little last week.
Researchers at Oxford University, picked up a specimen of the species when they were gathering samples from the parking lot of London stadia.
They plucked a clump of moss protruding from the concrete where the species was found swinging a red ball, and took it back to the lab for testing.
After finding the macro-animal and analyzing its DNA, the Oxford researchers reached groundbreaking new conclusions.
What sets this species of South Asian underdogs apart from others are its wounds, underscoring that they share the DNA with Asian tigers.
“This is a unique breed of South Asian underdogs, which can be found anytime and anywhere in the world, but has been regularly seen in London – most notably over the past 24 months,” a researcher said while talking to The Dependent.
“They are the most dangerous creatures west of English channel.”
A paper with their findings was published Wednesday in the National Geographic discussing the mysteries of this species.
“They’ve migrated from London to Leeds this week, so let’s see how the species behaviour changes with a change in habitat,” read the paper.