(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. Learn to take a joke; you’ll live longer.)
DUBLIN – Enjoying his moment of relief after escaping the nation’s curses, chief selector Inzamam-ul-Haq lauded the knock of watch winner Imam-ul-Haq in the Ireland victory, boasting, “It’s all in the genes.”
In a post-match press conference after Pakistan’s triumph, Inzi said, “Bismillah Ar Rahman Ar Rahim. The boys, especially Imam, played really well and it was because of the collective effort, mainly Imam’s contribution, that we won. Did I mention how good Imam played?”
“The whole point of picking Imam was to avenge our shameful defeat against the same Ireland during the 2007 World Cup when I was captain. Only my blood could’ve guarantee victory,” he argued.
I had already warned then Irish captain Trent Johnston that “Eik din mera Imam aayega (One day my Imam shall come)”.
When asked why the Pakistani fielders were reluctant to pick catches of the bowling of Mohammad Amir, he replied that it was all a part of the plan to first bring Ireland close to victory and then break their hearts by the relentless innings of Imam.
“My nephew did what I couldn’t do. This is how nature works. I was destined to become the selector and pick Imam,” he added.
On a question regarding the growing Faadi cult back home, he responded that he was not afraid of anyone since he made the right call eventually.
Meanwhile, commenting on the team’s preparations for the next up England tour, he said he has already packed jerseys and sweaters for the whole squad in view of the cold weather.