Mumbai attack perpetrators outraged over being called ‘non-state actors’ | Pakistan Today

Mumbai attack perpetrators outraged over being called ‘non-state actors’

(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. Learn to take a joke; you’ll live longer.)

UNDISCLOSED LOCATION – The masterminds of the 2008 Mumbai attack have demanded action against ousted Prime Minister Nawaz Sharif over his recent statements where he dubbed the perpetrators ‘non-state actors’.

Talking exclusively to The Dependent the perpetrators said that the former premier’s ‘anti-Pakistan’ comments amount to ‘treason’.

“Everything else he said has been said by retired Army chiefs, intelligence officers, government officers, but no one has insulted true patriots like us by calling us ‘non-state actors’,” one mastermind said.

“We demand that Nawaz Sharif be charged with treason for this and only this – because everything else pretty much underscores a Pakistani success story.”

However, differences have sprung up within the Mumbai attacks perpetrators camp with one faction also taking offence with the “should we allow” part of Nawaz Sharif’s statement.

“Who the hell is he – or anyone – to allow us to do anything, let alone the most successful operation of this century – if not, all time?” asked the leader of this faction, while talking to The Dependent.

Insiders reveal that the rift between the two factions – those that suggest that only demand action over ‘non-state actors’ and those that also want accountability for ‘should we allow’ – could result in a political crisis.

“This means that once our mainstreaming is complete, we might be represented by two separate parties in the Parliament,” an insider claimed.

The Dependent

The above piece is a work of satire and does not present itself as the truth.