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National Assembly passes resolution to rename your great-grandfather

ISLAMABAD – Offended by the Indo-centric name of your great-grandfather the House on Thursday unanimously adopted a resolution to rename him and his ancestors.

The resolution stated that your great-grandfather be renamed after “your grandfather who was the biggest name for your family given the needed change in his identity”.

The resolution, moved by a Parliamentarian whose family had already changed their ancestors’ names long ago, also stated that it was necessary to make the world realise that your father with already an Arabised name too was a much better individual than your great-grandfather who couldn’t do the obvious in his lifetime.

The Parliamentarian in question had been leading a campaign to rename your great-grandfather, saying that your great-grandfather and your grandfather are two different entities, considering the contrasting culture and heritage their names are affiliated with.

“The creation of the Islamic Republic of Pakistan was based on the Two-Name Theory,” the resolution read. “One name that your ancestors had and the other that you and your offspring will have.”

“Your great-grandfather should be renamed ideally with prefixes ‘abu’ and ‘al’, so that the world can know that he followed in the footsteps of those who had the ‘abu’ and ‘al’ prefixes in their names, and achieved amazing feats in the world of people who have the ‘abu’ and ‘al’ prefixes in their names,” the resolution added.

The Dependent

The above piece is a work of satire and does not present itself as the truth.

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