Categories: BusinessThe Dependent

State Bank to throw trade deficit at Kamran Akmal

(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. Learn to take a joke; you’ll live longer.)

KARACHI – The State Bank of Pakistan (SBP) Friday announced that it will throw the country’s mounting trade deficit at Peshawar Zalmi wicketkeeper Kamran Akmal expecting it to drop.

The move comes a week after the Pakistani rupee traded at an all-time low of 115.5 against the US dollar, with Pakistan’s external debt currently at $93 billion – a third of the national GDP.

“It has been decided to through the external debt, current account deficit and trade deficit at former Pakistan wicketkeeper Kamran Akmal who plays for Peshawar Zalmi in the Pakistan Super League,” the central bank’s statement released on Friday read.

Sources within the SBP have confirmed that the bank’s analysts are currently working on the highest statistical probability for the expected, and much needed drop.

“We feel that there is a good chance of a drop in case there is a sharp edge or if the ball is a skier, especially under floodlights,” a senior SBP analyst told The Dependent on condition of anonymity.

However, consensus has been reached that the trade deficit should be thrown via a stroke of the bat, which will increase the probability of it being dropped, rather than a conventional throw by the hand.

“Furthermore, we will also ensure that Mr Akmal has his wicket-keeping gloves on and doesn’t have a bat in his hand. The latter will actually significantly increase the chances of the trade deficit going skywards,” an SBP insider said.

The Dependent

The above piece is a work of satire and does not present itself as the truth.

Disqus Comments Loading...

Recent Posts

South Africa beat Pakistan by five wickets to level ODI series

DURBAN: South Africa beat Pakistan in the second one-day international on Tuesday in Durban to level their five-match series as…

6 hours ago

IHC directs FIA to continue inquiry against former BISP officer

ISLAMABAD: Islamabad High Court (IHC) has ordered FIA to continue inquiry in corruption case in respect of  Benazir Income Support Program (BISP).…

8 hours ago

Govt to set up joint authority to address cyber issues: minister

ISLAMABAD: Minister of State for Parliamentary Affairs Ali Muhammad Khan on Tuesday informed the Senate that the government had planned…

8 hours ago

President confers Nishan-i-Imtiaz on Saudi army chief

ISLAMABAD: President Dr Arif Alvi conferred the Nishan-i-Imtiaz (Military) on the visiting Chief of the General Staff of Saudi Armed Forces,…

8 hours ago

FM Qureshi reaffirms Pakistan’s commitment for peace in Afghanistan

DOHA: Foreign Minister Shah Mehmood Qureshi has reaffirmed Pakistan’s commitment to bring peace and stability in Afghanistan. Talking on Pak-US ties…

8 hours ago

Sahiwal tragedy: 16 counter-terror cops booked, confirms Mazari

ISLAMABAD: Federal Minister for Human Rights Shireen Mazari said on Tuesday that as many as 16 officials of the Counter…

8 hours ago