(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. Learn to take a joke; you’ll live longer.)
ISLAMABAD – The Islamabad High Court (IHC) on Friday announced its verdict in a case concerning some controversial amendments made to the Elections Act 2017, ordering, among other things, that all citizens be easily identifiable by their music choices and that applicants for public offices declare their favourite bands before being considered eligible.
Justice Shaukat Aziz Siddiqui, who penned the order, emphasised on the outset that the Constitution grants “complete freedom, including all the basic rights” but referring to Article 5 of the Constitution, the judge said the citizens should remain “faithful” to their preferred music genres.
IHC further established that not only was it mandatory for citizens to declare their favourite music genre, failure to do could make one guilty of “betraying the State” and “exploiting the Constitution”.
Also, the court has urged that citizens’ favourite music band should be mentioned on birth certificates, ID cards, voters’ lists and passports.
The high court also suggested that ‘true metal’ should be taught to all ‘true believers’.
Justice Siddiqui further said that it was “alarming” that “one of the minorities” was “often mistaken for being true metal fans”.
He said this “can lead them to gain access to dignified and sensitive posts, along with benefits.”
“Neo-metal isn’t metal. Those listening to Limp Bizkit cannot call themselves metal heads,” Justice Siddiqui maintained.