(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. Learn to take a joke; you’ll live longer.)
KARACHI/LAHORE/ISLAMABAD – Nationwide protests are in the offing, after producers of recent Lollywood releases confirmed that Sanjay Leela Bhansali’s Padmaavat has offended their financial sentiments, The Dependent has learnt.
According to sources within the Maan Jao Na and Pari camps, the film producers will be sponsoring protests all over the country, as Padmaavat threatens to derail all local film as early as the second weekend of their release.
“This is a direct assault on our financial sentiments, and has outraged our professional sensibilities,” said a member of the Pari entourage, wishing anonymity.
“In many multiplexes our film couldn’t even be screened on the first Monday after the first weekend. If this isn’t a direct attack what is?”
Sources confirm that while protests were mulled over the first weekend, the fact that the Islamists had given it a pass, because the film had really really outraged the Rajputs – as reported by The Dependent last week.
However, now reports coming in that weeks into Padmaavat’s release the radical Rajput groups are actually getting the hang of how the film actually glorifies them, mean that the Pakistan film producers have the opening to orchestrate the needed outrage.
“Trust me, there will be fire and burning involved,” said a senior marketing manager affiliated with Maan Jao Na.