(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. Learn to take a joke; you’ll live longer.)
Karachi – Our Gangster Correspondent: Hot on the heels of a split within the already split MQM-Pakistan, a collective of biker gangs in the city have also decided to form a breakaway faction of the party called MQM (Nazriati).
“It’s all about the true ideology of the party,” said Sharjeel “Pappoo” Ghayas, of the Landhi sector, at a press conference. “We have to go back to the basics.”
“I keep thinking about what had initially appealed to me in the party,” he said. “And that was doing this.”
Shakeel “Mauser” Tipu, also present at the press conference, said that the new party is going to be working hard to get the votes, phones and wallets of the people of Karachi and Hyderabad. “But we are going to be doing it with the smiling faces of young men who deeply love their work.”
“We are also going to drop this pretense of being troubled by the presence of the Taliban merely for the sake of our image in the west, but are going to simply charge them a cover fee for staying in the city,” he added. “Or not even that, as long as they keep targeting the ANP.”
Shortly before press time, the bodies of Pappoo, Mauser and their associates were found in the Golimaar area of Karachi.