(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. Learn to take a joke; you’ll live longer.)
Coming down hard on the rumours of a possible curtailment of admissions of Pashtun and Baloch students to the jails of Punjab, the Punjab University made clear on Friday that no such plan was in the offing.
“There is no such plan and we reject these rumours,” said Dr Saleem Niazi, Registrar of the varsity, speaking to reporters at a press conference.
“I can personally accompany you after this press conference and we can go to the jails and we will see ourselves that these two ethnicities are very much being admitted there.”
“Rest assured, not only is there no discrimination against the Pashtuns and Baloch, but it is the local students who are, in fact, being discriminated against,” he continued passionately.
“An argument could be made that it was the local students that are not admitted to the jails, despite being absolutely deserving candidates.”