(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. Learn to take a joke; you’ll live longer.)
Lahore – Our Elite Tabqa Correspondent: The Islamabad Club on Friday barred the entry of staffers (of both club and the members) to enter the thoughts and prayers of its members.
“The decision was taken because we feel that a sense of decorum must be maintained,” said Faiz Hassan, steering committee chairperson. “And we feel that this decorum requires a measure of separation between our honourable members and the staff.”
“To this end, we had already stopped the entry of the staffers into the pool area, then we stopped their entry into the Club’s official mosque,” he continued. “And now we have barred their entry into the thoughts and prayers of the members of the club.”
“It is a private area of the members and they want to feel comfortable and relaxed there,” he said. “The presence of the staff there would lead to some discomfort. Nothing against anyone but why not just avoid this to begin with?”
The move has widely been hailed by the members of the club. Some, however, have expressed reservations. “It was my cook’s daughter’s entry test into engineering college and the poor kid had worked so hard and I really hoped she’d get in,” said Hassan Ahmed, senior bureaucrat and member of the club. “But rules are rules, so I didn’t pray for her or anything. But the disciplinary committee still suspected I was doing some praying, so I had to make some calls in front of them to someone I know in the Punjab Engineering Colleges Board to make sure she doesn’t get in.”
“Those fellows aren’t as big sticklers for rules as fellows at the club, so I managed to keep her out.”