(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. Learn to take a joke; you’ll live longer.)
Lahore – Our Elite Tabqa Correspondent: The protest against the under-construction Orange Line by the Lahore Bachao Tehreek at Chauburji was postponed on Saturday as members of the civil society organisation were unable to locate the heritage site in the first place.
“It has been a while since we were here, and quite frankly, none of us have visited it more than once,” said Anushey Hassan, a member of the Tehreek. “So it is natural that we hit this snag.”
“I’m proud of myself to have made it till as far as Mall Road, actually, because the farthest I go from my home in Defence is Gulberg, but do I hear anyone appreciating that? No! It’s all elite tabqa this and elite tabqa that!” she said.
“We managed to locate Chauburji finally, using the Maps app on my iPhone, but by then the protest time had passed,” said Shehryar “Sherry” Cheema.
“It’s easy to make fun of how this is the first time I’ve come to the place, but I already know the area’s problems more than the so-called representatives of the place,” he added.
“Do you know,” he asked, holding back his tears, “how far the residents of the Chauburji area have to drive to be able to get a decent cup of latte?”
“Like, a lot!”