Local man uses popular catchphrases without the proper setup | Pakistan Today

Local man uses popular catchphrases without the proper setup

LAHORE – A local man oblivious to his asinine approach towards the use of popular catchphrases has been going around saying them without any proper set up or general idea of premise The Dependent has learned.

Defined as a veritable idiot by his friends, Nomi Abid, first showed signs of his ability to effectively ruin catchphrases for others by asking a lady friend of his, out of nowhere, “how do you like them apples?”

Abid, not known for his self-control, dropped the same catchphrase twenty times that day without bothering to read up on the meaning, context or origin of the phrase, something that a simple Google search could have provided.

Unnecessarily testing waters and the friends’ patience Abid threw some completely unwarranted improvisation into the mix by announcing “HEEEEERE’S NOMI!” prior to making any and all of his entrances be it his own room or that of others not to mention public places like restaurants.

“The do%&ch#B*g introduces himself to the room that way and then we are expected to have lunch with him as if nothing is wrong?” said Adnan Ghazi another friend concerned about his dwindling capacity for public embarrassment at the hands of others.

“I usually avoid showing him serious films like Good Will Hunting and The Shining given his limited attention span and almost nonexistent capacity to grasp or take away even a semblance of what the movie is actually about,” explained Asad Niazi a close friend of Nomi’s.

Nomi however is apparently undeterred by the opinion of his friends as he continues to have one cringe worthy conversation after another. Before filing of this report Abid was seen adding the word “B$%ch!” to each of his replies in a string of Facebook posts debating a crushing defeat faced by Manchester United the night before.

“Each ‘B&*ch!’ he adds to every one of his moronic posts is a slap in the face of Jessie Pinkman’s character and more importantly Vince Gilligan’s writing,” said Asad expressing anger at the situation and in part himself for letting the situation get so bad so fast.

The Dependent

The above piece is a work of satire and does not present itself as the truth.