We’ll negotiate with Taliban even if we have to drone them into it: Nawaz

Khabaristan Today 

Lahore – Our Special Correspondent: Prime Minister Nawaz Sharif has vowed to “negotiate with the Taliban, no matter what it takes” Khabaristan Today has learnt. The statement comes following Pakistan Army’s operation in FATA after the Taliban had been naughty enough to have a ball in their neighbourhood.

“My party, Pakistan Muslim League Nawaz (PML-N) like the Pakistan Tehrik-e-Insaf (PTI) is sort of like a dance party for the Taliban to come and have a blast. And it’s so good to see them partying explosively all over Pakistan,” the PM said while talking to Khabaristan Today. “Now with this Army operation against the Taliban, things have changed,” he added.

He further told Khabaristan Today that negotiating with the Taliban was his number one priority, and he was doing his best to make sure that the negotiations did go ahead. “The ‘N’ in PML-N stands for ‘Negotiate’ now, and we will live up to our name. But if the Army targets and kills the Taliban, who will we negotiate with?” Nawaz asked.

When told that the Taliban have reiterated time and time again that they do not want to negotiate, the PM said, “It does not matter whether the Taliban are interested in negotiating with us, we will make sure that we negotiate with them. If we have to fight them to force negotiations, we will. If we have to launch a military operation or bomb them for negotiations, we will. If we have to drone them into negotiations, we will. I think we will go with the latter, it causes the least collateral damage.”

The PM further told Khabaristan Today that he would get in touch with President Obama, telling him about the exact location of the drone targets. “Call that man who writes my anti-drone speeches,” Nawaz told his secretary as we were about to leave the office.



But now it’s our war: Imran Khan

Peshawar – Staff Report: According to Pakistan Tehrik-e-Insaf (PTI) chief Imran Khan the war against terrorism had all of a sudden become our war, ironic sources told Khabaristan Today. “Ever since that attack near the GHQ, the war has become Pakistan’s war and I will support our army in our war against our enemies who are killing our people,” Imran said on Tuesday.

After the bomb blast in Peshawar on Thursday Imran told Khabaristan Today, “Now it’s back to being America’s war.” He added, “Whenever there’s an attack near the GHQ it will become our war and I will support military operations. And when anyone else is killed it will be America’s war and I will scream for negotiations. I hope I have made myself clear.”



Khwaja Asif credits Sharjah triumph to load shedding (ANCHOR)

Islamabad – Our Energy Correspondent: Minister of Water and Power Khwaja Asif said that Pakistan managed to chase the mammoth target of 302 in the final two sessions of the Test match against Sri Lanka because of the power outages in the country. While talking to Khabaristan Today, Asif said that the only way it was possible for the Pakistani batsmen to see the ball as it got dark in Sharjah was because Pakistanis were used to performing without light.

“Only one nation could have chased that target down. Only Pakistanis could have done it,” Asif said. “I mean there were fielders on the boundary who could not spot the ball as twilight approached, but (Pakistan captain) Misbahul Haq was hooking bouncers like it was 12 at noon. The credit goes to load shedding,” he added.

When informed that the credit is only allowed to go to Allah Almighty or ‘the boys’, Asif said, “Well you need to add load shedding to that list now. The fastest run chase of over 300 in the history of Test cricket was because of load shedding. Load shedding should have been the man of the match.”

Pakistan currently suffers from a power shortfall of 2,600 MW with the total generation recorded at 8,400 MW against the demand of 11,000 MW. When asked what he was doing to bridge this gap Asif replied, “Nada. Rien. Zilch. Nothing. Absolutely nothing at all. We are trying to make sure Pakistan cricket team is well prepared for historic chases in the future as well. We are grooming load shedding as the future captain of Pakistan.”

Asif further told Khabaristan Today that if the Sri Lankan cricketers were asked to read this article, they would not be able to recognise the alphabets printed on the paper. “That’s what electricity does to your eyesight,” he concluded.

Edberg beats Lendl in Australian Open QF

Melbourne – Our Sports Correspondent: 22 years after their previous meeting Stefan Edberg and Ivan Lendl went head to head in Rod Laver Arena on Wednesday with the Swede coming out on top 6-4, 6-3, 6-7, 6-3 to reach the semifinals of the Australian Open. The match was reminiscent of their encounters all those years ago with the Swede being as pumped up as ever and the Czech being his unanimated self. And there was a lot more at stake than just the semifinal berth.

New year promises new starts and for Edberg it has been a very promising start. He has dispelled any concerns of age and looks back to being his old self. At the time of writing the Swede was preparing himself for an epic encounter with Spain’s Toni Nadal in the semifinal of the Australian Open.